The Kim Kardashian Sex Doll

Kim Kardashian was generally a no one with famous/wealthy parents who got into all the fancy parties and 'get togethers,' effectively using the success of those who bore her to catapult her somewhere into 'the scene.'  She basically went around dating people with power and money (even married and divorced one,)  until a sex tape was released with her having sex with R&B singer Ray J, making her famous. . . for being famous (Paris Hilton Syndrome.)  It all lead to getting herself a reality show and eventual movie deals, starting with the utter piece of shit: Disaster Movie.

Nice, yeah, but thats not why we're here.  I think next I'll just show you this horrible and sexually driven campaign ad, cause after eating Carl's Jr. I always want to take a bath too:

We (I) begin with this ad because it was particularly crafted for Kim Kardashian.  Why do you think that is? Why reputation of course: putting out a sex tape really makes people see you a certain way, even if you claim you had no intentions of releasing said sex tape, but still took money from VIVID anyway.  I mention all of this because once again, her public image has come back to haunt her, this time in the form of a sex doll.  Yes... a blow up vinyl sex doll with three holes for you to defile in front of the crowd of Mighty Morphin Power Ranger action figures you still have and keep on the dresser, you fucking loser.  The company behind the doll is called Pipe Dream Productions which according to its website has been creating adult toys for the past twenty years, and even created 2007's Best Personal Lubricant (really, I mean how many ingredients go into a 'personal lubricant anyway?)

I'm sure your mothers are really proud.

Their latest project is a Kim Kardashian sex doll, with the packaging hilariously spoofing her Carls Jr. commercial on the cover of the box. Look:

The back reads:  "Meet Kinky Kim, the busty bubble-butt bimbo who's had more dark meat in her than a bucket of fried chicken!  No one really knows what she's famous for--except celluite and her insatiable appetite for filthy sex!  This dirty lil'diva wants you to stick it in her face and get it all over the place--in her crack or on her back, between her thighs or in her eyes, in her snatch or down her hatch!  Her three hungry love holes are starving for your man meat--serve it to her piping hot, make it big, and load her with your secret sauce!"

I must admit, the writing is pretty damn clever.  This dude is the Robert Frost of porn.  Fuck he's more witty than me, which admittedly doesn't mean a whole lot, but its just kind of weird when you witness it in such an unexpected place: like plastered all over the back of a sex doll package which does neither Carls Jr nor Kim Kardashian a fuckin' favor.  I'm sure most of the dudes who bought the doll didn't even read the description, for truthfully, it isn't even needed. . .

He who writes this shit can write for iR any damn time.

With the creation of the Kim Kardashian sex doll, she joins The Superstar Series and the ranks of such other respectable women and Pipe Dream sex dolls as:  Jennifer Lopez (called J-Ho,)  Paris Hilton (called Paris Love Doll,) Christina Aguilera (called Dirty Christina Fantasy Doll,) Pamela Anderson (called simply Pamela Love Doll,)  Jessica Simpson (called Crazy Dazy Doll,) Lindsay Lohan (called Lindsay Fully Loaded,) Jessica Alba (called Jessica Sin Doll,) Beyonce (called She Aint No Beyonce Love Doll,) Britney Spears (called Britney Bitch,) and my personal favorite:  Snookie (called Guidette Love Doll.)

I hear they are so realistic if you have sex with the Kim Kardashian doll you get gential warts, just like in real life.

Just ask REGGIE:

He's bummed cause he's got a different kind of jock itch.

What's going to happen is that Kim Kardashian is gonna throw a total shit fit about it, thusly helping to promote the doll and the company.  She'll try and sue for slander and what not, but eventually, she'll give in and just take the paycheck, just like she did with Vivid when they started packaging her sex tape.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.  I honestly don't even really get it.  Is a celebrity sex doll suppose to somehow be more exciting than a regular sex doll?  Surely there's only so much one can do with a vinyl contraption made to be filled with air, making any notion that the damn thing would look anything like her totally fucking retarded. It is for certain then, that the doll is actually quite disappointing in comparison to Kim Kardashian, or even the chick on the cover, or even real pussy.

Its not even like Kim Kardashian is a beautiful person.  Just check the facts, she's willing to film herself having sex and then willing to take money for it, even though she was 'so damn certain she didn't want it released,' she's obsessed with botox, and is about as real as Barbie Doll.

But I suppose the clientèle they are trying to get are exactly the sort of assholes who would be interested in fucking a blow up likeness of a retarded celebrity who has nothing to offer to the world except a giant ass and an abundance of drama.

Why don't you just become a porn star already?

Sure, a few of these will be bought as gift jokes, but on the whole the majority of these things are actually going to be used, which seems tragically retarded to me.

Can't we just make an effigy instead and set it on fire?

A Kim Kardashian doll is a perfect fit, although Kim will probably be the only one who doesn't thing so. Why even separate Celebrities from Porn stars?   These days it seems like the same thing.  Stars are shooting sex tapes, porn stars are doing television and movies.

What the fuck?

Not that I'm saying its degrading to 'act' or have sex for money, well yeah, I am, but what the hell?  Celebrities, especially lady actors used to be fine a dignified, their troubles (which are just the same as they are today with modern douchebaggers: drugs, alcohol, etc.) were kept well concealed and made for beautiful and wonderful people.  I don't really want to know who Kim Kardashian has sex with, or why she chooses the d-bags that she chooses (although I'm sure retardation is a leading factor,) and I'd like to think most people feel the same way.

The whole trend of leaking sex tapes has been not only pathetic but fucking retarded.  The trend got so bad that even a tape of Fred Durst fucking some model was 'leaked.'  Yeah. . . like Durst didn't put it out, just like Kim didn't, nor Paris, you know, because that sort of shit doesn't attract any attention at all. . . No no way. . .

Yeah . . . It only turns you into a sex object if you happen to be a celebrity with a vagina and lady tits.

And it is for these reasons that iR declares Kim Kardashian completely retarded.

Its kind of a fact:  Kim didn't really get on the screen until her sex tape.  

Kardashian was on Dancing With the Stars and totally failed.

Kardashian has done advertisements for weight loss supplements called QuickTrim and Carls Jr. . . 

She's got her own workout DVD:  Fit in Your Dreams By Friday

Kim, Kourtney, and Khole are writing an autobiography together, called Kardashian Konfidential, and is said to be about their lives together, their mother's fashion tips, and other worthless dribble.

Kardashian posed for Playboy in 2007, only because it was 'artsy.'

Kunts official twitter

Kunts official website

Pipe Dream Products Superstars Line

love,

iR