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is the worst movie perhaps ever made, but it is like they say: its all how you look at it.1. Jay Mohr Singing in a Fucking Kilt
whats the use of havin' religion
First of all, when starting a movie, its important to build up some tension, or at least get the audience excited a little. For Pluto Nash, this means Jay Mohr singing some horrid tune while playing an according to an empty bar with horrible standards when it comes to sanitation, and a less than homey feel. All fuckin' right. Jay Mohr of course, is that douchetard who wasn't funny enough to carry a comedy by himself, and wasn't quite handsome enough to carry a romance flick, so he was stuck doing a combination of the two in such sudden bouts of retardation, it was enough to make even the corniest of losers laugh right in his face.
2. Randy Quaid Plays a Robot, a Horny One
Fuck dah police
Randy Quaid plays a robot, and not just any robot, but an old run down one, of a now defunct model now longer popular in the random decade of 2080. This is no doubt an allusion to his real life and acting career, as they don't quite make em like they made Randy Quaid, and he is indeed -damaged goods-. Not only that, but he's been loaded up with hot wiring techniques and knows all about smuggling. He's a renegade robot, which is great, because these days Randy Quaid is a renegade actor on the run for running up yet another hotel bill he had no way of possibly paying. One must wonder if he used this role as inspiration for his antics in court, for he at times seemed crazy enough to walk into the place with a couple of guns intent on filling the whole place with a couple of extra holes.
3. Albino Black Man
I hate you dadeh.
Now most considerate, mature, normal people don't make fun of others shortcomings, especially when these shortcomings are out of their hands, and cannot be as quickly remedied as a mere outbreak out pimples, or an awkward voice not yet matured, but alas, I am not often considerate, mature, or normal, at least not online anyway. Besides, the guy is a comedian and its like 90% of his shitty act. Yes, Pluto Nash features an albino black guy, who've they have made out to be dumb and real ornery. Talk about getting screwed over: where's my go back to the sack and wait for a better genetic match card?
4. The Body Morph Scene
How bout some more man-dick?
Eddie Murphy and his lovely co-star walk into a joint that offers body morphing for those who no longer enjoy the body that random genetics has given them. It is yet another one of the many lovely inventions man has brought to the world now that he has finally crawled off that God forsaken planet called Earth and found the moon a suitable place to plague and defile (good to see we still aren't vain and obsessed with outward appearances in the future...) The two proceed to preview their alterations in real time, with specific presets, yet at one point Eddie feels the need to make some alterations, and effectively outs himself not only as a womanizer, but also a douche: "some more bubbalage to the butt," and "titties galore," being some of his alteration instructions. . . Now anyone familiar with Eddie's past knows whats coming next, as Eddie's dream girl not only has a big ass and big tits, but also has a big dick, dangling between her legs. . . In fact Eddie got caught by police in 1997 with a transvestite hooker in his car, right before the release of the movie Holy Man
, a film in which he plays 'God,' only with shit tons more advice constantly spewing out of his mouth.
, a film in which he plays 'God,' only with shit tons more advice constantly spewing out of his mouth. Some people are touched by this, but they don't realize everything coming out of his mouth is completely bullshit.
Talk about hilarious.
If you can't trust a man who hooks up with random hookers, who can you trust?
5. Eddie Murphy Tries His Hand at Action
Not only does he dodge potential fire, but he also returns it with all the authenticity of a person who has seen more than their fair share of shitty cop movies. I don't know whats worse quite frankly, Eddie Murphy trying to be a dad on screen, or Eddie Murphy trying to act like he's actually held a gun before. Standards have changed in regards to action movies, but unfortunately Eddie is still stuck in the eighties, and its entirely apparent. My favorite scene is when a bomb suddenly goes off and Eddie jumps for his lovely co-star in attempt to shield her, but it is quiet apparently he tries his best to protect her tits, as both hands go for both fleshy mounds like a virgin at a dark movie theater.
6. Eddie Murphy Tries His Hand at The Romantic Role
Given a romantic interest, Eddie Murphy goes to work, with all the charm of a street pimp in need of a couple of new hos. Not only is he entirely wishy-washy throughout the whole movie, he's also borderline sexist and intensely retarded, but naturally, this being a product of Hollywood, he gets the chick, no matter how vile he acts, after all, he's the "Great Pluto Nash."
7. Luis Guzman
This guy owns, he's the only guy to have been in movies with Dennis Leary, Adam Sandler, and Eddie Murphy without earing that 'total douchebag' title. Anyone who can pull that off, has got to be good. Not only that, but he's actually funny in this, despite being bogged down by Mr. Giggles and Psycho Santa.
8. Shameless Cameos
The movie not only features Foxy Brown, but also the dude who played Young Frankenstein, Peter Boyle. Any sign of a total shitfest, and therefore movie worth watching due to unmeasurable amounts of lulz, is shit tons of cameos, and The Adventures of Pluto Nash is no different. Its almost like getting a shit cake, topped with peanut butter cups, its nice there are peanut butter cups, but the problem is their dipped in shit, you know what I mean?
9. The 100 Million Dollar Budget
Fail
The Adventures of Pluto Nash is widely criticized because it cost a hundred million dollars to make, and in return only hauled in 7 million dollars. This alone, makes for plenty of lulz, especially when considering that the movie was also criticized for having shitty computer graphics and horrible humor. So obviously the money wasn't spent on computer imagery, so what was it spent on? Eddie's hookers of course.
10. Eddie Murphy plays Eddie Murphy. . .?
Who dat?
Everyone knows Eddie Murphy likes to stretch himself thin when in a movie by playing multiple rolls. Well in the case of Pluto Nash, Eddie Murphy plays Eddie Murphy. . . No fat suit, no extensive cosmetics, Eddie literally plays himself, a character more like his real self: a complete and utter asshole. What follows of course is your typical fight scene in which the two clones get mixed up in such a way that there is no way for anyone to tell who's who. . . Oh, did I just ruin it for you?
Whats hilarious about this is Eddie isn't even trying to hide that he's playing another role. Its almost like his head has gotten so big that Eddie figures more Eddie means more star power, when in actuality more Eddie equals more annoyance power.
Laugh your way out of this one, douchetard.
And there you have it. When considered together, not only do you have a terribly good shitty movie, but you also have a bit of retardation you can't help but pass up. These things should be kept in mind the next time some moron brings up the idea of watching this movie (this never happens,) for when you take the movies history into account, it makes for many great laughs and as I previously stated, a damn good (retarded) movie.
It is for these reasons that iR declares The Adventures of Pluto Nash, completely retarded.
love,
iR
Send all hate mailings to
infinitelyretarded@live.com
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