Furries: Blind Retardation

Wearing a fur suit use to be something pimple faced nerds and thirty something pedophiles did to entertain snot nosed kids and make a little bit of money, but these days it has taken on a perversion far worse than clown fucking, or pedophilia.  It involves fur suits, something called 'yiffing' and the people who love them both.  These retards, know as furries (or simply furrytards) are individuals who enjoy and often want to be anthropomorphic creatures, which are beings with animalistic qualities, but are still very much human; they can talk and walk around on two feet and even wear human clothes.  To become these animals, many develop 'fursonas' or alternate personalities in which they act and look (with the help of fur costumes called 'fursuits') like the animal they wish to be.

Essentially there are two types of furries.  Furry Type A and Furry Type B.

Fury Type A is predominately made up of people who feel that furrydom is a chance to let out that inner beast trapped inside of them.  These sad sorry souls feel that they were perhaps a bear in a past life, or should have been born one, and the only way - they feel- to express this inner urge is to dress up in a retarded bear costume and start scratching, clawing, and roaring like one.  Others live whole lives through these fur suits, establishing their own characters and storyline, whether alone in their rooms or online with an entire community of other furrytards on forums or in chat rooms.  For most of them, its a chance to escape the harsh reality of being a pathetic nobody that no one really likes. . .

Like Wendy Brooks, age thirty-six, of Minneapolis Minnesota, a single woman who has not yet married and never really had a boyfriend.  She spends her days drawing pictures of her wolf character with a dull number two pencil.  She wants nothing more than a bunch of children, "a pack' all of her own, but in the real world she can't seem to get any man to look at her.  Her fox character, Kefi Wolf Kittens is attractive and a creature of high nobility, a strong, loving creature in tune with nature.

A creature very much unlike Wendy Brooks.

Why must Kefi Wolf Kittens roam this world alone?  WHY?!

She knows Kefi Wolf Kittens can earn her any upright walking half-man-half-wolf she wants, only there aren't many around her area - only simple Minnesotans.  She blames it on the harsh terrain.  She knows however, that one day, 'he' will come, trotting in, his tail wagging, and he will come and lick her face and they'll go and live happily ever after.

Until then, she'll just have to keep drawing. . . 

Furry Type B is far more demented.  These furries have psychological hangups after horrible sexual encounters with men/women in fur suits when they were children at carnivals, theme parks, Chuck-E-Cheese, etc.  They too have furry characters for many of the same reasons as Furry Type A - but they differ in that they prefer to don animal costumes and act like that animal, so that they may fuck other people in animal costumes, as that animal would do if it were out in the wild.  For some, their sexual perversions extend far beyond that, and for the sake of my own sanity, and yours, I'll forgo mentioning them here.  These people, however, are more like Linda Madson, age twenty-six, of Kansas.  Her inner furry isn't even a real animal, its a unicorn.  Linda likes to pose provocatively for the camera, and post them on the internet.  She gets a real kick out of it, and often finds many furry partners this way, including her current boyfriend: a squirrel.  When she's not looking for other furries to hook up with, she's checking out furry porn, refreshing up on some furry erotic literature, or gazing fondly at x-rated renditions of all of her favorite childhood cartoon characters.

Linda's boyfriend, Chip, a squirrel says that when he first saw this photo he just knew he had to have her, and quite frankly, we here at iR understand completely. . . How can you not have a massive boner looking at this?

When asked why her inner furry was a unicorn, Linda calmly paused and blinked dumbly as if it wasn't already obvious.  "I've always loved unicorns.  They're so pretty. . . I've always believed in unicorns."  She said.  "Like I think they are really real, just that no one ever sees them because they don't believe in them.  You gotta believe to see, and I think there's a whole world out there, that like, nobody can see because like, they just don't believe."  Yes, Linda Madson is a real special gal/unicorn, and her boyfriend is one lucky guy/squirrel.

Avatar

The fact that Avatar is about a crippled guy in a wheelchair who is able to enter into (by some bit of Hollywood mumbo-jumbo) a twelve foot tall blue fish person with both animal and human characteristics (even a tail) made Avatar a fucking furry's wet dream.  The entire idea of becoming something you're not, something better than you are, and better than you means some type of animal creature, is right up a furry's alley.  It dramatizes the experience, one glorious furry nut shot after another, and in glorious IMAX 3D!

Which leads one to wonder. . .

Is James Cameron a fucking furry?

City of Champions/Superheroes

Furrytards like to claim that many superheroes are furrys in spandex, as seen with characters like Catwoman and Batman, for instance.  This unfortunate connection between superheroes and furries has developed an entire spawn of superhero furries, developed by furries, for furries.  This means talking animals who walk upright and love to have sex with one another in between dangerous missions with dramatic repercussions, and they have superpowers like fire balls they can shoot out of their eyes, and x-ray vision and other silly shit like that.  These moody bastards will most often sit online playing roleplaying games, where they will just roleplay with them and their "pack" - a collection of other similar minded furry tards - and attack anyone who interrupts them with fire balls and mind powers.

Go away, mere. . . human.

Balazar barked - his tailed whipping about him like a black tail that whips with a blackness like that of a dark black night.  His pack gathered around him as gatherers do, around something, the women purring like kittens safe behind their furred protector.

Balazar growled - "once again, go away mere. . . human!"

Entourage and Television
Furries on television are not received well and rightfully so.  Entourage, The Drew Carrey Show, ER, and others have all made fun of furries with hilarious results.  It is these shows that lead furries to believe that much of their exposure has been skewed.  To them, they feel that they aren't as obsessed with sex as television has made them out to be, even though much of the furry experience is sexual, and can include such perversions as:

• vorarephilia - a sexual fetish where arousal occurs from the idea of being eaten or by the process of eating
• macrophelia - a sexual fetish involving giants
• paraphilic infatilism - a sexual fetish where arousal comes from the desire to, or act of wearing diapers (baby furs)
• pregnancy fetishism - a sexual fetish where arousal occurs from the image or idea of woman in their pregnancy (pregnant furs)
• plushophilia - sexual arousal towards stuffed animals
• infantophilia - sexual arousal toward inflated objects
• toonopphilia - sexual arousal toward anime or cartoon characters
• bestiality - sex with animals
• etc. etc. furries have many kinks

Aside from these anti-fur, furry haters, several production companies do exist, that are run and maintained by furries.  These film companies serve as a visual hub for the entire furry community.  Their films run anywhere from furry service announcements, news shows, convention specials, all the way up to straight up furry porn.  Most of their work is hardly if ever seen by normal human eyes, but if you were to see their work, you would probably find its friendlier versions on Youtube.  SEE?

Mascot folk... lawl

When they aren't making their fursuits, pretending to have claws, and/or drawing photos of their 'fursona's, furries somehow find a way to get together in such large masses that they necessitate an entire convention center.  Their conventions bring furrytards from all over the world (furrydom is apparently a world wide epidemic) to chat about the wonderful world that is furrydom.

Cities that do offer to host these conventions often report a rise in pet sodomy cases when the 'furry folk' come to town. . .

The largest furry incarnation is Anthrocon, held annualy in the shithole that is Pittsburgh.  Anthrocon is held every July and averages a little over three-thousand members each year.  The convention features many furry artists and writers, as well as furry lovers of all shapes and sizes.  It has honored such important furrytards as Dan Decario, creator of Josie and the Pussy Cats, Peter Lairo, co-creator of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and the like.  The Anthrocon is popular because of its groundbreaking concepts, one of which is called The Zoo.  The Zoo is a sectioned of plot of the convention center, where furry attendees can just simply "lounge freely, eat and drink, rest, draw, and chat" in a sort of animal corral for all to enjoy.  Another concept is the Furry Run, where all furry contests compete in a relay race around the convention center.

Over conventions include FurCon, held in San Jose each January, and CaliFur, found right here in Southern California.  Other events include the Rocky Mountain Parade, a full length parade for furries to show their strength in the rigid Colorado Rockies.

Other less known conventions occur yearly, and are known about only by people in the community, as many of the acts that take place during these conventions are not only completely disgusting but also highly illegal.  In 2008, thirty-nine furry conventions took place around the world, exceeding sixteen-thousand attendees and more than two-hundred-and-fifty highly illegal acts.

So it all started with Josie and the Pussycats, but it wasn't all that bad, right?  I mean they are humans, they just happen to wear costumes with animal ears and tails, and that's still mostly human right?  And they are in fact girls, so you couldn't be that fucked up in the head, could you?  But then you remembered when you were a kid and how much you liked Loony Toons, how you liked it more than most kids, and in a different way.  It made you feel warm and fuzzy inside, and safe, and happy, so much so that you still watch it today.  Watching it always helps you remember those good times you had, like that time when you were seventeen and you went with the family to Disneyland, because of the younger kids of course, and how you all took that family photo with Mickey and Minnie, and you remember how Mickey put his arm around you, and how it felt so good. . . felt so good. . . And you looked into his eyes, and you wanted to look forever.

And then there was that time with that inflatable pool raft shaped like a cow. . .

And that time when you watched Disney's Robin Hood and hoped that that fox version of Robin Hood would come and take you away. . . 

And then you started drawing fox figures, and chatting with other fox lovers, and soon this turned into roleplaying and weird sexual acts pretending to be a half human half fox named Dark Wolfe, and soon the whole thing just got weirder and weirder. . . Soon you met a friend online who knew how to make full body fur suits, and you saved up all your money so that you could buy one. . .

Do you remember that first night you put it on?  That night you really became Dark Wolfe, for the first time?  Do you remember how you just howled and howled at the moon, and found solace in being a wolf. . 

So you think you're a furry?

Well unless you've entirely embarrassed your parents and gone through years of therapy, only to still be completely fucked up in the head, and your only friends are furries too, and in the second grade you had a giant crush on Marvin the Martian, and you write poetry or short stories about you and your pack, and then rekindled in the tenth grade that cruh you had on Marvin the Martian you had in second grade, then NO, you're not a furry.

You're just some douche bag asshole.

So you're a furry, I get it.  You like anthropomorphic creatures, but why must it all become so damn perverted?  You look for acceptance, and claim that you've become misrepresented by the media, but all anyone ever sees of you is demented in every degree.  Furries are involved in strange and unusual fetishes, many of which are frowned upon because furry love could easily be considered bestality. . . and what is to stop a person who thinks they are a dog to start going around fucking real dogs?  Beyond the bestiality aspect, furries also engage in many other different sexual fetishes that should remain just that - fetishes to be kept private and concealed from the every day world.  Nobody really cares to hear about how you love just the feeling of fur, about how it excites you, nor do they even want to know that it would be possible for any person to be turned on by the idea of dressing up like an animal and rubbing up on some furrrrr....

Your lifestyle is strange, and in a world where gay men can't even get married, you want to introduce a lifestyle that includes elements from childhood and elements from the deepest and most deranged of sex dungeons.  What creativity you do have is wasted on creepy fur suits that only a complete freak would find attractive and boring long winded furry fiction complete with utterly retarded hand drawn pictures of two fox people fucking.  Not only that but you've found a way to ruin it for us all, by finding a way to make Tony the Tiger attractive, or The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or any childhood mascot for that matter.

Wanting to be a tiger is cool, when you're like 7. . . And wanting to be someone that you aren't is fine, lots of everyday average people do it too, just most people keep it to themselves.  You guys however put all your shit out on the internet for all the world to see, and its not exactly something without any shock value  You put out video of you fucking and whining like dogs in giant dog suits, and you expect the average normal person to just accept that?  To not ponder what it takes for a person to become that diluted in life?  To worry about their children, and the possibility of furries spreading?

And it is for that reason alone, that iR declares furries to be blindly retarded.

Many furries are artsy people.  They like to draw and write stuff.  Many of them plague a website called DeviantArt.  It is a place for aspiring artists to show their artwork and maybe even make a little money off of it.  Unfortunately however, furries out number normal people on Deviant Art three to one, and are entirely responsible for most of the shit on the site. . . Shit like this:

More furry fan art can be found on Deviant Art, here.

Nazi Furs are furries who enjoy dressing up in fur suits and wearing WW2 Nazi regalia.  Although many of them do wear the Nazi arm bands, complete with SS uniforms, they claim not to be anti-Semitic.  

Babyfurs are furries who enjoy dressing up in fur suits and wearing baby bonnets/diapers.

Burned Furs are furries who have been shunned by their own community.  I shit you not, they have a term for it.

Furry fandom began became in 1980, at a science fiction convention, when a drawing of a character from a science fiction novel started a forum on anthropomorophic characters in science fiction novels.  

The beginning of the 80's is regarded as a popular time for furries, as it was during this time that a lot of anthropomorphic characters appeared in television shows and movies. . . These characters were of course targeted towards children, and not freaks with a passion for plush dolls. . . 

The furry community exists mostly online, with members only going fully into their fursona at conventions and parades.

Furry haters are called 'anti-furs'

Furries even have their own wikipedia, called wikifur. . . Because apparently even furries have no idea what they're are all about.

Some furries "may view animals with a kind of religious reverence, reminiscent of Buddhism, Shamanism, or Otherkin. . . funny I don't remember anything about having sex with animals in those religions, but then again I'm not what you would call a 'religious person.'

thats about it.

love,

iR