Infinitely Retarded: The Tragic Retardation of A&E's Teach

We be spendin' most our lives livin' in a gangsta's paradise

Aristotle. . . Paulo Freire. . . Confucius. . . Michele Pfeiffer. . . All of them teachers, all of them with their contributions to generations of young minds fertile yet not yet planted with the seeds of wisdom. Some had to overcome a government wanting poor people to stay illiterate and in turn powerless. . . Others had to listen to rap music and wear leather jackets to reach students dabbling in gang life and endangering their lives. . . But none of them have ever had to face the hardships that face Mr. Tony Danza, yes, Tony 'Who's The Boss' Danza. Not only is he going to teach a classroom of high school students English, but he's going to do it with a bunch of television cameras and no teaching experience whatsoever (yeah he has a college degree, but he's never taught before.)

I present to you, A&E's Teach, with Tony Danza:

Pompous asshole am I right?

Its not a role, its reality. . . Well unfortunately, the only person who doesn't know this is Tony Danza himself. He sincerely walks into the room like he would any role, and assumes that due to past 'successes' that teaching wouldn't be any different; the door to the classroom would swing open and the spotlight would shine down upon him, his audience some thirty odd youngsters ready to absorb every word that came out of his mouth, to praise his genius, to provide applause with astounding test results.

Yes a crowd of all your usual high school stereotypes: the sports jock who excels in sports but is too busy thinking about scoring on and off the field to bother paying any attention in class, the annoying nerdy kid who takes nothing but A.P. classes for the extra GPA with a tongue about a mile long and a fondness for licking the teachers ass; the weird lesbian chick with spiked greasy hair and a rainbow colored necklace, the stuck up cheerleader chick who knows she's pretty and therefore will forever be retarded. . . All of them exhibiting that same glare in the eyes, like those of a man looking but not looking, their eyes connected to a brain that is not entirely thinking. Just buzzing away if you listen close enough.

buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

And despite his efforts to come into the ring, so to speak, and knock out yet another opponent, here in the teaching arena he has failed, miserably. Surprise surprise. Things are woozy. The ref is counting ten. Has he counted to ten yet? It seems so long ago, that I once was standing and cocky and full of shit. Funny how a stiff right can really sober a man up. Yeah. Maybe because teaching actually requires effort, you fucking jack ass.

The episode I happened to watch went something like this:

Tony reads aloud Of Mice and Men, and proceeds to tell the class that its a book about a retarded guy and a guy who takes care of him. That it is a love story. These two love each other. Immediately students are repelled by the book.

The students complain they don't get the book.

Tony decides to give a quiz the next day, regardless of his students apprehension.

The next day the quiz is given. Tony is as happy as a pig in shit. His first quiz! His first quiz!

Tony grades them. Half of the class fails.

The next day Tony walks into the class and starts dogging on the kids. Blaming them for it all, even making one girl cry in the middle of class. To Tony, the kids aren't reading. To the kids, Tony isn't teaching, and quite frankly, the Principal feels the same way:

"You are multi-talented, you can do everything, you dance, you sing, you play instruments. . . And I would never think that I could just stand beside you and just put on tap shoes and do what you do. . . Well I expect that same respect for the art of education."

Oh shit burn. It goes on:

"Its serious work, and you don't get the tag of teacher, you know. . . you don't get the tag of teacher, until your students are learning. . . You got that?"

Ahaha oh fuck. This show is amazing! Its not everyday you get to see a high and mighty worm get cut down by someone he thinks is beneath him. Nope, not everyday.

I don't know what's worse, that A&E and Tony Danza collectively thought that they could teach these kids, or that the parents of these children actually signed off on this shit. I mean, we all know the state of public education in America is fucking bullshit these days, but there's no reason to actually prove it on a reality television show.

I swear, this is just the sort of thing a foreign dictator would use as evidence of the deficiency of America and its education system.

Yeah, if we get bombed, I'm saying its all Tony Danza's fault.

Teaching is fucking difficult. Its a profession which reaps very few rewards, very little money, and shit tons of anxiety and stress. Many a good soul has gone into the profession with the hopes of doing good, only to pack up their shit a year later with a heavy heart and defeated eyes. With this knowledge one can only assume Tony Danza to be a complete and utter asshole to think that he could just waltz into a classroom, with cameras no less, and change the lives of all those around him.

Kiss my fucking ass.

Its not a movie we're talking about here, Tony, we're talking about real life. Real students, real futures in jeopardy, and some how A&E and Tony Danza has turned it into a circus sideshow with ratings and everything.

And I thought my high school education was a joke, this shit is just fuckin' tragic.

And it is for this reason that iR declares A&E, and Tony Danza's Teach, tragically retarded.