Posts
Born December 1, 1970, Sarah Silverman is a "comedian," "writer," "actress," "singer," and musician (the upright skin flute.) Her career started after meeting Lorne Michaels of Saturday Night Live - but to her credit she didn't know she was blowing the father of SNL, she believed him just to be another average Joe willing to shell out fifteen bucks for a blowie. She was brought in as a writer, though how much writing she actually did is not known. Her onscreen contributions however were limited to background work, as Sarah doesn't do characters or voices, or comedy for that matter. For instance she was one of the dancing foods during Adam Sandler's "Lunch Lady Land" song, the skit making up most of her onscreen time with the show. A whole 4 minutes. Needless to say the unfunny Sarah Silverman was fired after a year of her "services," and like Marty McFly in Back to The Future 2, it was done by fax. BURNNNNN.
you_re_fired_fax.jpg)
Note: Websites actually sell replicas of this fax to Back to the Future Superfans. . . spending 20 bucks on a photocopy never felt so good.From there it was off to other forgettable roles for television shows that either went on successfully without her, or died silently in her very hands. A hand job got her on the sketch comedy show Mr. Show, but that gig only lasted 2 years. She appeared on Seinfeld, as Kramer's girlfriend - she had to eat Larry David's asshole out for that part. Double penetration got her a spot on Star Trek: Voyager for a whole two-part episode, a demonstration with sex toys was needed for a regular role on Greg The Bunny, and of course a blow job for Mr. Jimmy Kimmel was given in return for a part on Crank Yankers.
Her movie career is equally as forgettable and epically retarded. For instance, Silverman played Mary's friend in There's Something About Mary, what? Yep. She was also in Evolution, and I've seen that movie more than David Duchovny has, and I don't seem to remember her in that either - she's like some kind of Jewish specter. School of Rock, Bulworth, School for Scoundrels, and I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With are also included in her filmography, but none of these are more offensive than Funny People. Being rather unfunny, the sexual acts she had to perform on the producers of that movie to get the part are so vile--so illegal-- that I can't bare to mention them aloud, let alone put them in text for all of eternity on such a reputable and tasteful blah-g (blog) as mine.
Her movie, Sarah Silverman Jesus is Magic is a movie/rock opera/stand-up special, and all three facets of the movie suck bawlz. Its 109 minutes long, but seems more like a three hour epic. The songs aren't particularly funny, nor is the stand-up, the majority of which discussed 9/11, AIDS, Cancer, Jews, Blacks, racial slurs, and the Holocaust just to a name a few. I don't know what is more surprising, that this woman actually sold out a theatre, or that people actually found her funny. Her jokes are more offensive then anything. . . For instance:
Deadpan line after deadpan line, and somehow the audience finds it funny. Occasionally you're given a break from the comedy, with a cut to a pre-recorded music number. "You're gonna die soon, you're gonna die soon." She sang to a group of elderly people at an old folks home. It seemed like hours had passed. To my dismay I had only watched 30 minutes worth of "funny material," I found myself thinking "If only Jimmy were here." For if he was Sarah's mouth would be full, and I would no longer have to hear her try and be funny.
Shit Central, looking for its next offensive unfunny show (MIND OF MENCIA) saw Sarah's special and undoubtedly found it funny. A golden shower later and Sarah Silverman had her own show - The Sarah Silverman Program. . . It opened to 1.8 million viewers, a record at the time, but this isn't at all surprising, The Jeff Dunham show opened to record breaking numbers too, but thankfully drowned quickly soon after. Yet, somehow Sarah's show has managed to make it passed episode 3, in fact past even season 1. The Sarah Silverman Program has had three seasons worth of episodes, so naturally one might assume that she is perhaps funnier and less offensive than Jeff Dunham... right?
Yeah, Sarah Silverman fans are the type of youtubers who film copyrighted material on their televisions: in short they're retarded. . . Horrible sound yes: The Young Sarah Silverman has some dog shit on the end of a stick, and is standing on the sidewalk saying Doodie at every car that drives by, while her mother slowly dies inside. So funny. . . like omg!
FURTHER RETARDATION
Was placed #50 on Maxim's Hot 100 list, which isn't all the surprising, as I'm sure Maxim 'readers' are hardly interested in a woman's personality, or whether or not she possesses a humor or even a voice worth listening to. The following year she moved up to #29 and appeared on the cover.
The Observer in the UK had an article naming her "the world's hottest, most controversial comedian."
Doesn't consume alcohol, it 'nauseates' her.
Started some controversy after telling a joke involving a New York radio and TV personality named Joe Franklin. She claimed he raped her. She told it very straight faced, very dead pan, almost as if it were a fact. People found this offensive... Also Joe Franklin, who had never met her before, claimed he was going to sue her for defamation, but never followed through.
Struggled with bedwetting when she was a teenager.
Plays Scrabble on the internetz.
Currently dating Family Guy producer/writer and therefore asshole by association, Alec Sulkin.
Sold an idea of a book of humorous essays to HarperCollins for 2.5 million. Holy fuck hook it up.
She's the unfunny bitch in the room, that is unless Andy Samberg walks in.
iR.
Her movie career is equally as forgettable and epically retarded. For instance, Silverman played Mary's friend in There's Something About Mary, what? Yep. She was also in Evolution, and I've seen that movie more than David Duchovny has, and I don't seem to remember her in that either - she's like some kind of Jewish specter. School of Rock, Bulworth, School for Scoundrels, and I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With are also included in her filmography, but none of these are more offensive than Funny People. Being rather unfunny, the sexual acts she had to perform on the producers of that movie to get the part are so vile--so illegal-- that I can't bare to mention them aloud, let alone put them in text for all of eternity on such a reputable and tasteful blah-g (blog) as mine.
Her movie, Sarah Silverman Jesus is Magic is a movie/rock opera/stand-up special, and all three facets of the movie suck bawlz. Its 109 minutes long, but seems more like a three hour epic. The songs aren't particularly funny, nor is the stand-up, the majority of which discussed 9/11, AIDS, Cancer, Jews, Blacks, racial slurs, and the Holocaust just to a name a few. I don't know what is more surprising, that this woman actually sold out a theatre, or that people actually found her funny. Her jokes are more offensive then anything. . . For instance:
- "I told my niece everytime she loses at tag, God gives someone AIDS."
- "Being first is important. . . If American Airlines was smart, their motto would be 'American Airlines' because we were the first to hit the towers.'"
- "No no, 9/11 was a tragic day, for me personally. . . It was the day I found out soy chai lattes are like 900 calories. . . And I had been drinking them like everyday."
- "I'm gonna feel like such a Jap for saying this. . . But this diamond I want to get is so pretty. . . And by Jap I mean Japanese. . . Its made from the tailbones of Ethiopian babies. . . Soooooo cute."
Deadpan line after deadpan line, and somehow the audience finds it funny. Occasionally you're given a break from the comedy, with a cut to a pre-recorded music number. "You're gonna die soon, you're gonna die soon." She sang to a group of elderly people at an old folks home. It seemed like hours had passed. To my dismay I had only watched 30 minutes worth of "funny material," I found myself thinking "If only Jimmy were here." For if he was Sarah's mouth would be full, and I would no longer have to hear her try and be funny.
Shit Central, looking for its next offensive unfunny show (MIND OF MENCIA) saw Sarah's special and undoubtedly found it funny. A golden shower later and Sarah Silverman had her own show - The Sarah Silverman Program. . . It opened to 1.8 million viewers, a record at the time, but this isn't at all surprising, The Jeff Dunham show opened to record breaking numbers too, but thankfully drowned quickly soon after. Yet, somehow Sarah's show has managed to make it passed episode 3, in fact past even season 1. The Sarah Silverman Program has had three seasons worth of episodes, so naturally one might assume that she is perhaps funnier and less offensive than Jeff Dunham... right?
Yeah, Sarah Silverman fans are the type of youtubers who film copyrighted material on their televisions: in short they're retarded. . . Horrible sound yes: The Young Sarah Silverman has some dog shit on the end of a stick, and is standing on the sidewalk saying Doodie at every car that drives by, while her mother slowly dies inside. So funny. . . like omg!
Despite her popularity among the Shit Central crew, the Emmy's did not share their love of Sarah Silverman. Although she was nominated for Outstanding Lead Actress, she did not win, losing instead to Toni Collette from the miniseries Tsunami: The Aftermath.
So what's in her future? Well she's no longer dating Jimmy Kimmel -- his connections can no longer get her anywhere. She's now dating one of the writer/producers of Family Guy and therefore an asshole by association, Mr. Alec Sulkin. Perhaps a spot on the similarly unfunny show is in her future, perhaps Sarah has finally found her home among similar clowns with no sense of humor whatsoever.
Due to her ability to turn whatever she touches to shit, and similarly her ability to never ever go away, Infinitely Retarded declares Sarah Silverman: Infinitely Retarded.
So what's in her future? Well she's no longer dating Jimmy Kimmel -- his connections can no longer get her anywhere. She's now dating one of the writer/producers of Family Guy and therefore an asshole by association, Mr. Alec Sulkin. Perhaps a spot on the similarly unfunny show is in her future, perhaps Sarah has finally found her home among similar clowns with no sense of humor whatsoever.
Due to her ability to turn whatever she touches to shit, and similarly her ability to never ever go away, Infinitely Retarded declares Sarah Silverman: Infinitely Retarded.
FURTHER RETARDATION
Was placed #50 on Maxim's Hot 100 list, which isn't all the surprising, as I'm sure Maxim 'readers' are hardly interested in a woman's personality, or whether or not she possesses a humor or even a voice worth listening to. The following year she moved up to #29 and appeared on the cover.
The Observer in the UK had an article naming her "the world's hottest, most controversial comedian."
Doesn't consume alcohol, it 'nauseates' her.
Started some controversy after telling a joke involving a New York radio and TV personality named Joe Franklin. She claimed he raped her. She told it very straight faced, very dead pan, almost as if it were a fact. People found this offensive... Also Joe Franklin, who had never met her before, claimed he was going to sue her for defamation, but never followed through.
Struggled with bedwetting when she was a teenager.
Plays Scrabble on the internetz.
Currently dating Family Guy producer/writer and therefore asshole by association, Alec Sulkin.
Sold an idea of a book of humorous essays to HarperCollins for 2.5 million. Holy fuck hook it up.
She's the unfunny bitch in the room, that is unless Andy Samberg walks in.
iR.
AGREED....SHE IS A TOTAL BIATCH TOO.
ReplyDelete