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What a kind commentator. . . No they didn't fall down, he clearly rolled them down - you should be fired for not properly painting the picture for the people listening on the radio.
Steve Lyons, a ball player so retarded his nickname was Psycho not because he went after opposing players with spiked cleats, or whispered hexes on opposing pitchers while at bat, he instead received the moniker because he liked to amuse himself with games of tic-tac-toe and hangman, crudely drawing them in the dirt with his cleats in between pitches. Way to stay in the game Steve. Cause God knows if I was a big league skipper I'd tip my hat and spit out into the dirt and turn to the fielding coach and say:
"Yep, that Steve Lyons, he's a real go-getter. . . What is that he's written in the dirt? POOP you say? Makes him laugh eh? . . . Yep, that Steve Lyons, always got his head in the game, yep - a real go-getter."
The fact that his nickname was 'psycho' leads me to believe that the other players called him that simply because it was a whole lot nicer than 'retard,' because that's really what he was back when he was playing, and is, even today. He's a sort of jock who maybe was pretty damn good in a place like Tacoma, Washington, but when it came to the big show, he just couldn't hack it. And besides he had (and still does have) a brain the size of a peanut. He never excelled really in the majors, managing to average a measly .252 in his 8 years in the league, where most of his time was spent playing as a utility player, a bit of Human Spackle to fill the holes where he was needed.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Unfortunately when he finally hung up his cleats, he wasn't gone from baseball forever, for he, like many other ball players, had spent so much time playing baseball that his skills elsewhere were less than to be desired, and, like many other ball players, he possessed the itch - that need to constantly play ball whether rain or shine, till the cows come home. Yet the old body couldn't take such a lashing anymore, so he did the next best thing: he got into the commentating game. Fox sports graciously accepted Lyons on to their commentating team, for surely in those 8 years he picked up a thing or two about the game right? And seeing how his nickname was 'Psycho' and all, he could be a really good color commentator, right? A sort of funny, quirky personality, right?
Wrong.
As it turns out, aside from being a total retard, Steven 'Psycho' Lyons is also a racist. . . Which is a real hub-bub when you're trying to put out some of that Emmy Award Winning shit. Lyons has criticized Shawn Green during a game, essentially calling him a 'dumb Jew' for sitting out a ball game on Yom Kippur, dumb because he "didn't marry a Jewish girl, and from what I understand, he never had a Bar Mitzvah, which is unfortunate because he doesn't get the money." He's praised Hideki Irabu, a ballplayer who punched a photographer's camera and broke it, stating "Its ok because the photographer is Asian. . . And you know they make cameras, so he should have many more." In 2006, he implied that certain Italian players had connections with the Mafia, simply because they're Italian, and that messing with them would be foolish because they are all well connected. Also in 2006, he picked on a fan in the audience who had an apparatus attached to his face to help him see, saying "He's got a digital camera stuck to his face." It turned out that the man was in fact blind, and his family was watching. Again, in 2006 he implied that Lou Piniella stole his wallet because he was of Spanish decent.
Even with the signature, these cards are fucking worthless.
Now Fox has a strict - Make 4 Racist Comments and You're Fired Clause - so naturally Lyons had to be let go, but this wasn't the end for him, no, not yet. Instead of crawling up into the asshole of obscurity, he was picked up by KCAL to do road games for the Dodgers organization, much to the chagrin of Dodger's fans, who have been spoiled with the epic greatness that is a man like Vin Scully. Vin Scully, unlike Lyons comes from the oldschool, when radios were a big part of the world, and therefore his practiced tongue only adds to the experience of listening to a ball game, as opposed to subtracting from it. Despite the contract, Lyons is on strict probationary terms, and is even forced to go to Diversity Training. . . Which seems to be working, but his retardation still shines through as if polished over the years by a fine wax. Its most apparent on nights when he works with Charley Steiner, an actual Emmy winner and college grad with a fondness for big words and hyperbole. The two are such a juxtaposition they'd be a perfect pairing for a William Blake poem, and listening to them both is much like sitting down with the college professor and his monkey trying to talk baseball.
As for his future, it depends on his ability to latch on and not say anything racist - and its looking like he's a sufficient enough parasite for the job. The fact that he's most remembered for being the only baseball player to pull down his pants during a baseball game should sting Steve Lyons a little, that is if he was all that well remembered, but he's so retarded he instead revels in it. He actually enjoys it. He's taken his 'psycho' image, and even his sudden undressing during the game in full stride, and has used it as gimmick to get him hosting jobs on blooper shows and trashy DVD's with titles like '100 of Baseball's Most Outrageous Moments.' It is for his long career and seeming permanence with the game, his willing acceptance of his retardation and further use of said retardation to make money, that iR declares Steven Lyons hopelessly retarded.
There's just no saving this one.
FURTHER RETARDATION:
Steve Lyons is one of few players to have played all 9 positions during his baseball career - not because he was good at everything, but rather because he was equally mediocre at every position - and hell Steve Lyons at shortstop is better than no one at short stop - yah dig?
Steve Lyons 'wrote' his own biography, entitled Steve Lyons: PSYCHOanalist oh how clever.
Steve Lyons obviously tampers with his own Wikipedia page, as the site says: "Considered by many to be one of the greatest players to come out of Oregon." The idea that Lyons could be the greatest at anything, other than generally sucking leads me to believe that perhaps Oregon just may be the most mediocre state in all the damned Union.
Survives off small television parts in sports themed comedies like Arli$$.
iR
"Yep, that Steve Lyons, he's a real go-getter. . . What is that he's written in the dirt? POOP you say? Makes him laugh eh? . . . Yep, that Steve Lyons, always got his head in the game, yep - a real go-getter."
The fact that his nickname was 'psycho' leads me to believe that the other players called him that simply because it was a whole lot nicer than 'retard,' because that's really what he was back when he was playing, and is, even today. He's a sort of jock who maybe was pretty damn good in a place like Tacoma, Washington, but when it came to the big show, he just couldn't hack it. And besides he had (and still does have) a brain the size of a peanut. He never excelled really in the majors, managing to average a measly .252 in his 8 years in the league, where most of his time was spent playing as a utility player, a bit of Human Spackle to fill the holes where he was needed.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Unfortunately when he finally hung up his cleats, he wasn't gone from baseball forever, for he, like many other ball players, had spent so much time playing baseball that his skills elsewhere were less than to be desired, and, like many other ball players, he possessed the itch - that need to constantly play ball whether rain or shine, till the cows come home. Yet the old body couldn't take such a lashing anymore, so he did the next best thing: he got into the commentating game. Fox sports graciously accepted Lyons on to their commentating team, for surely in those 8 years he picked up a thing or two about the game right? And seeing how his nickname was 'Psycho' and all, he could be a really good color commentator, right? A sort of funny, quirky personality, right?
Wrong.
As it turns out, aside from being a total retard, Steven 'Psycho' Lyons is also a racist. . . Which is a real hub-bub when you're trying to put out some of that Emmy Award Winning shit. Lyons has criticized Shawn Green during a game, essentially calling him a 'dumb Jew' for sitting out a ball game on Yom Kippur, dumb because he "didn't marry a Jewish girl, and from what I understand, he never had a Bar Mitzvah, which is unfortunate because he doesn't get the money." He's praised Hideki Irabu, a ballplayer who punched a photographer's camera and broke it, stating "Its ok because the photographer is Asian. . . And you know they make cameras, so he should have many more." In 2006, he implied that certain Italian players had connections with the Mafia, simply because they're Italian, and that messing with them would be foolish because they are all well connected. Also in 2006, he picked on a fan in the audience who had an apparatus attached to his face to help him see, saying "He's got a digital camera stuck to his face." It turned out that the man was in fact blind, and his family was watching. Again, in 2006 he implied that Lou Piniella stole his wallet because he was of Spanish decent.
Even with the signature, these cards are fucking worthless.Now Fox has a strict - Make 4 Racist Comments and You're Fired Clause - so naturally Lyons had to be let go, but this wasn't the end for him, no, not yet. Instead of crawling up into the asshole of obscurity, he was picked up by KCAL to do road games for the Dodgers organization, much to the chagrin of Dodger's fans, who have been spoiled with the epic greatness that is a man like Vin Scully. Vin Scully, unlike Lyons comes from the oldschool, when radios were a big part of the world, and therefore his practiced tongue only adds to the experience of listening to a ball game, as opposed to subtracting from it. Despite the contract, Lyons is on strict probationary terms, and is even forced to go to Diversity Training. . . Which seems to be working, but his retardation still shines through as if polished over the years by a fine wax. Its most apparent on nights when he works with Charley Steiner, an actual Emmy winner and college grad with a fondness for big words and hyperbole. The two are such a juxtaposition they'd be a perfect pairing for a William Blake poem, and listening to them both is much like sitting down with the college professor and his monkey trying to talk baseball.
As for his future, it depends on his ability to latch on and not say anything racist - and its looking like he's a sufficient enough parasite for the job. The fact that he's most remembered for being the only baseball player to pull down his pants during a baseball game should sting Steve Lyons a little, that is if he was all that well remembered, but he's so retarded he instead revels in it. He actually enjoys it. He's taken his 'psycho' image, and even his sudden undressing during the game in full stride, and has used it as gimmick to get him hosting jobs on blooper shows and trashy DVD's with titles like '100 of Baseball's Most Outrageous Moments.' It is for his long career and seeming permanence with the game, his willing acceptance of his retardation and further use of said retardation to make money, that iR declares Steven Lyons hopelessly retarded.
There's just no saving this one.
FURTHER RETARDATION:
Steve Lyons is one of few players to have played all 9 positions during his baseball career - not because he was good at everything, but rather because he was equally mediocre at every position - and hell Steve Lyons at shortstop is better than no one at short stop - yah dig?
Steve Lyons 'wrote' his own biography, entitled Steve Lyons: PSYCHOanalist oh how clever.
Steve Lyons obviously tampers with his own Wikipedia page, as the site says: "Considered by many to be one of the greatest players to come out of Oregon." The idea that Lyons could be the greatest at anything, other than generally sucking leads me to believe that perhaps Oregon just may be the most mediocre state in all the damned Union.
Survives off small television parts in sports themed comedies like Arli$$.
iR
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