Kel Mitchell Found Jesus

We are gathered here today. . . Light in through the colored panes of church windows. . . Bow your heads. . . The smell of polished pews. . . Come self-proclaimed 90's kids, you boob tube aficionados, you couch cushion jockeys. . . your prophet has arrived.

Prepare the body of Christ. . . a bag of potato chips. . . Pour forth the blood of Christ. . . Coca-Cola. . . Its a shame loud T.V. . . [louder now] Its a shame loud T.V. destroyed. . . I said its a shame loud T.V destroyed your hearing so. . . I said. . . never mind:

Your prophet has arrived. . . 

Guess where Kel's other hand is?  Keenan's face reveals the answer.

What fasting.  What endurance in the name of the lord; none.  What emptiness along the crawling spaces.  The psychedelic soma water, the duodenum berries.  Throw down your orange sodas my friends, Kel Mitchell found Jesus but never fixed his teeth.  Destined, the dreary sidekick.  Even that dance show gave him the title of co host. . .

What stables of women.  What endurance in the name of the wang. What many girls, some of questionable age.  They fell and lay in his bed of success.  Like withdrawing from the bank account.  The word then was 'fine'.  He's FIOOOYNNE.

Piqued, made for decline.
Getting drunk on orange wine.

Who loves orange soda?  Kel loves orange soda.  Is it true?  He do he do he doo-oo.  Orange sugar water and orange Nickelodeon money. Wadded thick in the pockets, placed gingerly betwixt the g-strings of working girls. Oh he do, he do.

Who loves Kel?  Kel loves Kel.  Is it true?  He do he do he doo-oo.  The countless mirrors for looking upon himself, the mirrors for catching sex acts, the mirrors, the mirrors.  The portrait of himself hanging in the hall, overlooking his 'pussy palace.'  The initials KM engraved in the fine leather headrests of his finer automobiles.

But more importantly, more than orange soda and himself, Kel loves God. Is it true?

What fasting.  What endurance in the name of the Lord; none.  What emptiness along the crawling spaces.  The psychedelic soma water, the duodenum berries.  Throw down your orange sodas my friends, Kel Mitchell found Jesus but never fixed his teeth.

Kel of course got his start on the Nickelodeon show All-That, which was kinda like SNL for kids, in that it was once very good, only to slowly get shittier and shittier until reaching a point of being unwatchable; but at least All-That was finally taken out to pasture and put out of its misery.  It was where Kel met Kenan Thompson (who curiously currently works for SNL) and under the bright lights of the Nickelodeon Studios in Orlando Florida, a great bromance bloomed.  The relationship allowed them to develop chemistry and proved rather fruitful for their careers. They were like a Laurel and Hardy, and the beauty of it was their audience was so young and ignorant they could steal rather liberally from their material without their young fanbase even noticing. One of their more successful skits included a place called Good Burger, with Kel playing a retarded-Spicoli-surfer-fast food employee- named Ed (pictured above). He of course was a horrible employee who could never show up on time and further illustrated the common belief that all fast food workers are retarded (which is generally true.)  He also suffered from being capable of spouting only three or four annoying phrases, all of which somehow became trademarks.  On the basis of this flimsy sketch a movie was made called Good Burger, which unfortunately could only taint the wondrous talent of the Great Sinbad.

Now I know all you 90's kids. . . but I have to explain it. . . Not everyone knows the glory of. . . I said not everyone knows the glory of. . . I said. . . Oh damn your rotten ears!  Always interrupting me with their refusal . . . their refusal to work. . .But I must explain it. . . I said I must explain it for others who. . . oh never mind.

Ever wonder what happened to Ed?  Well apparently his last name is Jankins, and this happened to him:

He went bat shit insane on meth and now frequents the local playground, scaring the shit out of little kids.

In 1996, Kenan and Kel were given their own show, The Kenan and Kel Show, which was helped by an already established fan base from All That.  It provided more of the same, with Kenan repeating phrases including a proclamation of his love for orange soda (which was alluded to earlier) and 'Aww here its goes' and all kinds of other shit.  Kenan played the straight man, only he was a schemer who thought up schemes which propelled the show for five long years.  Before the show ended, Kel got a role in the movie Mystery Men.  He played Invisible Boy, who could only turn invisible if no one was looking at him.  Yes, it seems that even as a superhero Kel Mitchell is mediocre and equivocally lame.

The movie didn't really succeed, which was surprising in that Janeane Garofalo was in it. . .  (best joke so far)

With a failed movie under his belt, and the end of another show, Kel feared slipping off into nothingness of everyday 'civilian life,' and did his best to do what he could to keep from becoming a nobody.  He tried to get jobs, but no one wanted him, and it was then that Kel first saw the bars of that cage which had seemed so free earlier; that niche of being a home made Nickelodeon star.

Too old, sweet prince.

Despair set in.  He started eating peanut butter.  Lots and lots of peanut butter.

"Help me God."  The sweet prince cried.  "Help me."

I know what you think. . . and am making this up. . . Obviously you haven't seen any. . . I said obviously you haven't seen any of my stuff before. . . Of course its all true. . . every last word. . . I said every last word, even the part about the. . . about the peanut butter.

God would answer him?  He got a role in a television movie no one saw, called Two Heads Are Better Than None, and then he would get even more offers for work: an episode of Nash Bridges, voice work for The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, and Clifford the Big Red Dog.  Later he would go on to host The Pokemon 2000 Movie Special (lawlz).

Kel counted his blessings, and continued praying, but only with peanut butter in his mouth.  In 2005 he appeared Kanye West video, as a porter. Betcha didn't know that. . . but then again Kel Mitchell really is Invisible Boy.  Word is he tried talking to Kanye, who swatted at his ear as if to silence some tenacious gnat.

Still more blessings:

In 2007, Kel Mitchell had a minor role in the dramatic film Honeydripper.  

More:

Now, Kel is working on a movie he wrote and stars in, called Chicago Pulaski Jones.  He plays the son of Cedric The Entertainer, who dies, and Kel feels the need to avenge his death. . . with dance:

Urban river dance is ruffffff.

One can clearly see this movie will suck horribly, as if one could not tell from the rather unoriginal plot line to begin with.  I think its supposed to be dramatic, but with Kel's haircut, his acting, and Cedric the Entertainer directing the whole debacle, its awful hard to tell.

Awful hard to tell.  Like his newfound Christianity.  He's got the lingo for sure.  But is it true?  No one can say, only Kel can, and he thinks its true, but only if you pray with peanut butter in your mouth.

So yes brothers and sisters. . . we should be thankful. . . a man exists today. . . and integrity to stand up for whats. . .  I said what's right. . .  So drink forth the blood. . . share of his flesh. . . pray only with peanut butter and for the. . . GET YOUR HEARING AIDS FIXED!

Firstly I'd like to accuse myself of purple prose, 'betwixt' being the primary offender.  Secondly I'd like to apologize for uh, I guess acting like a preacher there, and like you couldn't hear, I just felt the need to talk needless shit about 90's kids.  Why?  Spite.  With that said, we are all guilty, every one of us.  I'm not here to say believing in God is retarded, I'm just saying that when you go around preaching God and the Bible, and then right after that judge a booty shaking contest you kinda look dumb and hypocritical. . . I'm just sayin'.

I commend the fact that you're still trying, but I mean come on, Chicago Pulaski Jones?  I suggest you can it before anyone sees anymore footage, before you're canned. . . for good.  Keep the faith alive, though it still doesn't change the fact you were legally declared retarded in the summer of '04.

Congrats, iR declares Kel Mitchell, legally retarded.

Way to burn out, writer of this 'blah-g.'

Kenan and Kel fans have been begging... I mean BEGGING, for a reunion of the two on SNL with revivals of their roles in the Good Burger movie. . . These people are morons.  I say this not because they desire such a thing, but because they believe such a thing could be possible.  Not only that but desirable. . .  They have aged, ladies and gentlemen, and I'm sure they would have no interest whatsoever in playing roles they had when they were teenagers.  

If you disagree feel free to comment... or call me an asshole.

love,

iR

Yet Another Siren of Retardation: Jeff Van Gundy

Jeff Van Gundy was declared legally retarded upon birth.  He came out all cries and slime, a disgusting discolored thing sprung forth from the crevice of a woman who upon seeing him found him to be the biggest regret in her life.  He had eyes like a bullfrog, with a head squished in on both sides, and when he cried bubbles of unknown substances foamed about his curled lips; a physical reminder of the stench which crawled up his throat and came out his mouth whenever he opened it.

"Holy sheep shit," the head physician said, and he never said that.  He nearly dropped him.

The doctors found that no matter how hard they tried, no matter how malleable newborns heads are said to be, Jeff's was as hard as a rock, and was throughout the rest of his life an oddly shaped rotten egg.

Look, a shit sandwich.

Although it was 1846, it was still frowned upon to get rid of children.  At least if you weren't rich enough or if they were of the same skin color, so Jeff Van Gundy's mother took him (grudgingly,) and raised him to be the complete and utter moron he is today.  Each day, he would be served his oatmeal for breakfast, which he didn't eat as much as he drowned in, and after a good cleaning (again for the third time already), he'd skip on his merry way off into the wilderness to hopefully catch typhoid or get bitten by a snake.

His childhood really was troublesome for his mother, for Jeff kept on living. The doctors hadn't given him many years to live, due to his apparent retardation, but still the boy kept living, kept growing, to the point where each laugh became scornful in her ears, a constant reminder that he was still around and not only that but healthy enough to laugh!  To where he'd go out the door in the morning and come back in the afternoon, all scraped up and dirty from play outside, from wrestling in the dirt, from impromptu races from the shed and back. . .  It became apparent he wasn't any sickly child soon to die, but rather a normal boy, with a lacking brain and an oddly shaped head.

Darn.  No really.  Shucks.

Much to his mother's dismay, Jeff Van Gundy grew up, and without any medical scares or tearful nights 'worried' about him dying.  Not so much as a high fever.  He even went on to Yale University, where Jeff Van Gundy found his true passion: basketball.  He managed to make the team and played a few games, but was soon cut from the team.  That's right, Jeff Van Gundy was so bad at basketball, he couldn't even make a team full of nothing but a bunch of pasty white guys.  Naturally, he did the next best thing, he became the towel and water boy for the team, and proceeded to watch the rest of the games from the sideline, and the more he watched, the more he 'learned' about the game of basketball.  He began to feel that getting cut from the team was a blessing, for it had shown him what his true calling in life was: COACHING:

Thats right, Jeff Van Gundy was the original Waterboy.

He got a job coaching for the McQuaid Jesuit High School in Rockefeller, New York.  Immediately the team was transformed, they even managed to win a few games without having to pay off the referees first.  Johnny Mackiwitz, his star point guard, was finally coming around and by Hanukkah he was leading the league in assists and steals.  The teams sluggish and ultra fat center Timmy Steinberg, had melted to a svelte 325 pounds, the school newspapers had changed hateful headlines into ones of praise, and all the players were happy and often sitting at kosher meals made by proud parents that towered high and steaming with all the smells of the old country.  The team however, never made it into the playoffs.  There was no victory parade for them at the end of the year, in fact when they took their final lost, there wasn't anyone there to see it, not even the kids' parents.  But for Jeff it was a successful year, it was the year he got his feet wet and finally got into this coaching game.  He knew it would only be a matter of time before he would be noticed, and asked for a better job elsewhere.

And he was right.  Jeff Van Gundy shot up like a bald turd that refuses to be flushed.

He became a 'graduate assistant' for some d-bag coach at Providence College, which I guess means he was some assistant's assistant, who assisted in the assistance of the assistant coach, implying that perhaps the assistant coaches assistance wasn't enough, and did indeed require outside assistance.  (How annoying was that, eh?)  He succeeded in his mission and took the job of the man he was assisting the next year, becoming the assistant coach of Providence College.  He would spend another year there as assistant coach before being asked to come coach for the tippy-top: The National Basketball Association.

Yep, it only took this d-bag 4 years of coaching to make it to the Big Show, where he would get a job coaching for The New York Knicks.  He would become a fixture on the sidelines there for 12 years, (although six were as an assistant coach,) with his chrome head shining,  his wind pipe always belting out arguments and complaints as his face turned into a grimace as his faucet of a nose leaked.  He actually did well with the Knicks, even making it to the NBA Finals in 1999, when there wasn't a single soul who wasn't a Knicks fan that thought they had a chance in Hell (in fact most Knicks fans felt the same way.)  Yet they made it, only to lose.

Even still, he's best known for this:

"Nothing was going through my mind."  There you have it, self proclaimed retard.

From there it was off to the Houston Rockets, where he put in four years with the team.  He only failed to make it to the playoffs once with a losing season, the other three seasons resulting in first round losses in the playoffs.  During this time he unleashed about a million tirades, one of which resulted in a one hundred thousand dollar fine, after he claimed NBA referee's were targeting his star center, Yao Ming.  It still, to this day, is the heaviest penalty ever levied on an NBA coach.  

So without a ring, Jeff Van Gundy resigned from the team, and wasn't hired by any team the next season.  By this time, everyone was sure he was going to kill himself.  I mean he looked like a miserable bastard, a guy who apparently loved the game, but all the game gave him was sourness and hole where his heart should be.  In fact, I'm pretty sure he had his toe on the trigger of the shot gun when he received the call.  

Again, his darkest days had cleared to reveal a single thread of light, this, his true calling, COMMENTATING:

Now. . . at least when Van Gundy was a coach, we only had to hear him when he was complaining about a call, about to get himself thrown out, or bitching to the media hours after a game.  Now - we've got him the whole game, throughout every NBA Finals. . . Letting Jeff Van Gundy commentate is a lot like giving a chatterbox with the intelligence of a retarded monkey a mic a stage and a trapped audience: you know you're gonna get some shit flung at you, of the retarded kind.

Listen:

Fellas, there's a game goin on here

Shit Whoopi Goldberg in 'Eddie' has better commentary then you fools... "Lets go back to the barbershop thing..."

Really Jeff you were a successful coach?  Well that must have been the work of the players or your assistant coach, because something tells me the only things you ever talked about to your players in the huddle were how much you dislike Grey's Anatomy or how much you dislike everything in general.  You'd think with all that supposed 'basketball' knowledge in your heads you'd be able to talk about the game and provide some insight, or at the very least be able to describe whats happening.  Its almost like listening to The View commentate baseball, just a bunch of women talking about anything and everything other than what is important.

These guys fucking blow.

love,
iR

Anyway, Jeff's brother Stan Van Gundy is also a coach, and he looks just like Ron Jeremy.

Lindsay Lohan Goes To Jail, and Is Shocked By It.

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Shit Central; Or The Story of Jeff Dunham on Comedy Central

Jeff Dunham has been a ventriloquist for as long as he can remember.

If you have the distinct pleasure of being shown pictures from his childhood, you will find that he's seen clutching a ventriloquist dummy in nearly every photo. Even more apparent is the look on his parent's faces, a sort of utter embarrassment and sadness that both of them shared equally, one which seemed to intensify and grow even more morose as the years went on. They, like any respectable parent hoped for so much more for him, for many years they wished that he would move on from his obsession, one which they labeled as only a "phase," and hoped that he would one day grow out of it and move on. But much to their chagrin, he continued his ventriloquism all throughout his schools days, and later in his adult life. One day in the first grade, he was sent home for trying to turn one of his friends into a dummy for an act he wanted to do for the other kids. The teachers found the two of them in the bathroom, Jeff's friend bent over with his pants around his ankles, Jeff behind him, wrist deep in the poor boy's anus.

After the incident his parents sought medical help, but they found nothing wrong with him, except for his retardation, which his parents suspected all along. He was declared legally retarded in the Summer of '69, making him the youngest declared legal retard. He was only seven. This made it very hard for Jeff to make any friends, he often spent most of his time alone, locked up in his room (for his safety,) playing with his dolls and practicing his act. Unlike most boys, who give up ventriloquism after a harsh beating or two, Jeff kept with the "craft" and kept to his room. Many years passed, each season leaving as soon as it came, and before long Jeff was 28, still living with his parents, who were still horribly upset about the whole thing. It was then however, that he was finally given his big break on the Johnny Carson Show.

His 20 years of experience showed, as the 28 year old shined in front of the lat night audience. For Jeff it was the start of a great deal of wonderful things he was sure were bound to come his way. Similarly for his parents, it was the beginning of a great deal of horrible things that would slowly chip away at them, until nothing remained inside of their old dying bodies, save for a wanting of death and an end to the daily embarrassment that resulted from their son being just that, their son. (Don't think that they didn't make sure he was indeed their child - after the "Bathroom Incident" in first grade, his parents posed that perhaps he was switched at birth, but the hospital took all the wind out of their sails with extensive birth records and the like.) After Carson, he was obsessed with ventriloquism. For years he had been degraded by his father, by the town, by supposed peers, who all told him ventriloquism was a waste of time, and an act carried out only by queers and pedophiles - but now the window had opened, now all the negativity had evaporated, the show had proved them wrong. Ventriloquism was his calling.

Ventriloquism was in his blood.

So with a new-found purpose in life he took to the garage, and started making his own dummies. He would spend months on them, working and reworking them, talking through them, all for so long he began to believe they really were alive. (Which is understandable, as they were his only friends at the time.) In between dummies he was slowly making a name for himself with several television appearances: Ellen in '96, Hollywood Squares, Entertainment Tonight, The Best Damn Sports Show Period, and Good Morning America.


It was in 2003 that Comedy Central approached Jeff Dunham, their interview went like this:

"Well Jeff, before we start I'd just like to say we've both seen your work, great stuff, great stuff." One exec said. "Now first of all I wanna tell you something that I wanna keep hush hush, so when I tell you this, you can't breathe a word of it to anyone, not even your wife - you married Mr. Dunham?" He asked.

"Uh, no." Jeff said.

"Of course, what was I thinking your a ventriloquist." He laughed. "Yes well, anyway, we're switching platforms here at Comedy Central. . . Yes it seems we just don't know comedy any more, we aren't the one channel everyone goes to for humor. . . No these days it seems like all we know is shit, we're the shit station of the entire country. . . That's right we will no longer be called Comedy Central, but rather Shit Central." He smiled. "But we don't want to change right away, we want it to be a gradual change, and we think you're shitty enough to be the front runner in our switch. But as I said we want this to be a gradual change, so first we're just gonna give you a 30 minute Comedy Central special, you know, introduce you to the public. . . Then once you've floated around enough, we'll amp it up, whole hour specials, comedy tours, albums, movies the whole kit-and-kaboodle, all leading up to a Jeff Dunham show, you know years from now, in maybe 2008, 2009. . . All just in time for our big switch in 2010, from Comedy Central to Shit Central."

"And all you have to do, Jeff, is sign right here." The other exec said.

So Jeff did, and what followed were the horrible tragic events of television history, including the whole Blue Collar Comedy bit and Carlos Mencia.

The era of shit was upon us, and just as Comedy Central had planned it, The Jeff Dunham show aired on October 22, 2009, just in time for Halloween. The show was a staggering hit, as retards across the country tuned in for Comedy Central's newest turd, fresh and still steaming. Its pilot episode was Comedy Central's biggest shit: 5.3 million viewers tuned in to watch the premiere episode, making it the most watched premiere in Comedy Central's history. . .

After its premiere, execs at Comedy Central could be seen riding around town in the back of limos, drinking champagne and toasting to their new era of shit.

FURTHER RETARDATION:

Jeff Dunham has sold over 4 million dvds.

Made 30 million from June 08 to June 08, making him one of the highest paid comics of that year.

A Very Special Christmas Special was the most watched telecast in Comedy Central history.

He is the top grossing stand up act in North America.

Has his own Christmas Album Don't Come Home for Christmas

Set to do a fourth stand-up special in 2010, a tour said to span 60 cities, and a product line, all of his own.

Dunham dummies are usually charackatures of his own life: For instance his dummie Walter, a lonely old crotchety man who hates the whole world is based off of what Jeff will become if he doesn't give up his silly facsination with ventriloquism.

Dunham is currently in the middle of divorcing his wife, with whom he has three girlies.

It is for these reasons, iR names Jeff Dunham, legally retarded.

iR.

For more retardation watch The Jeff Dunham Show on Shit Central.

or visit

Jeff Dunham Official Website
Shit Central

Pauly Shore: Legally Retarded

Of the many events in 1968 which have affected the society we know today, there is one which often goes unmentioned, forgotten somewhere amongst the social change of the time and the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. Somewhere in the streets of Hollywood, California, a baby was born, to Mitzi Shore and Sammy Shore, a comedy club owner and a comedian, respectively. Their son, they named Pauly Shore, and from that day on started the mediocre and head-shaking career that tore up Hollywood, one horrible movie at a time. Apparently Pauly learned his craft hanging around his mom's club, The Comedy Store and somewhere in there, after much drinking and head trauma, the "Weasel" character was created; a sort of second rate Jay, without the genius of Silent Bob. He was a typical stoner, who spoke is his own babbling talk, and told jokes that only kids or complete stoners found funny: a characteristic which MTV recognized and imediately took advantage of. If there is anything MTV knows about their viewers, it is that they love to eat up charaqetures of themselves, as seen with the success of Beavis and Butthead. Shore's Weasel character was perfect for this; a middle class white kid, living in a glorified world of 7-11 and munchies, and soon the headband wearing retard was on MTV. Shore's duties were to host MTV's Spring Break, an easy job for someone who needed to possess only small amounts of charisma, the package they were selling sex, drugs, and rock n' roll was already enough. . .

Fast forward to 1995, the winds of Southern California whip around the courthouse with a certain urgency; the doors to the building fly open, and out barrels Pauly Shore, hair a mess on his head and a stupid grin on his face.

"Woo-hoo Bah-Uh-Dee (buddy), its as cool as a cue-cumber (cucumber). My melon's been offically declared legally retarded Bah-uh-dee(buddy)." He then jumps into his convertible, and speeds off, laughing like a deranged mad man finally let out of the looney bin.

legal retardation : An act of retardation which is legally verified by the state or a board of scientifc experts. Or a retard who is labeled as such under similar conditions. Victims are said to be "legally retarded."

With this legal retardation, Pauly went back to making films. First on his slate was Jury Duty, which was a lot like 12 Angry Men, only not anywhere as good. The plot revolves around the utter retardation of Pauly Shore, who's character believes that despite all the dread people put into having to report for jury duty, it could actually be quite the money making venture. He is of course, quite wrong, and spends several weeks on jury duty, much to his enjoyment, only to receive three dollars for all his troubles. Following suit with the usual Hollywood bullshit, he also gets the girl in the movie, despite her being way out of his league and him being utterly retarded.

Second on his list came a piece of film that critics loved to tear down, comparing it to "metal finger nails clawing up a chalk board" and "the sort of dread one feels at a funeral." This film would be created at the peak of his retardation, and the decline of his career. I remember seeing the title of it across the street from the apartment I was visiting, in Hawaii. It was on a marquee in big bold leaders: BIO-DOME. The movie leashed upon the world, and became an instant classic, not because of its superiority, but rather because of its inferiority. It has been regarded as one of the worst movie ever made, and has consistently received bad reviews since its conception. The two characters, are played by of course Pauly Shore and the rather falling Baldwin brother, Stephen Baldwin. They play two friends who have found each other and share a common quality: RETARDATION. The two are dumb enough to confuse one mans vision of Eden, a biological experiment labeled Bio-Dome, for a mall. They drive by one day, in a quest to regain the love of their equally retarded girlfriends. They stop in to take a much needed piss, thusly endangering the ecosystem. The two are trapped in there for a year, with a group of the finest minds the biology world has to offer, who tend to the plant life and conduct many experiments.

But it isn't the plot which makes the movie retarded, its its characters. Somehow we are lead to believe that these two stoner retard lay-abouts have girlfriends, who happen to love them enough to get back together them, even after a year being locked in the Bio-Dome. This is even more puzzling, when considering the fact that the two were chasing around two hot scientists inside the dome, who were entirely too hot for them, and would have nothing to do with with two idiots with brains the size of peanuts. Regardless, Hollywood has a way of making losers heroes, the power of creation after all is without bounds. . .

We are lucky though, in that this is where Pauly Shore's lack-luster career starts to sputter to a stop. Perhaps he was no longer marketable, or perhaps movie studios were just tired of losing money. Nonetheless, Pauly Shore left his mark on the world, although it is an ugly one. Pauly Shore can now be seen scumming around the improv circuit, and must consider himself lucky that no matter how bad his career may get, he's always got a home at the Comedy Store, his mother's club. . . That is unless she too is forced to watch one of his movies again, she me then disown him. He too, has a home, here at Infinitely Retarded, where is king of Straight To DVD. . . Which of course is a distinction some movies receive around here, that is to say ones that are so bad that they should have gone straight to DVD.

STRAIGHT TO DVD STARS:
Ed Wood (Plan 9 From Outerspace)
Martin Lawrence (Big Mommas House 2, Bad Boys 2)
Rob Schneider (Everythings he's ever made, most notably The Hot Chick, The Animal, Bench Warmers)
Halle Barry (Catwoman)
Vanilla Ice (Cool as Ice)
Shaquille O'Neal (Kazzam, Steel)
Ben Affleck (Gigli, Chasing Amy)
Jennifer Lopez (Gigli)
Tom Green (Freddy Got Fingered)
Dan Akyroyd (Caddyshack II)
Jaimie Kennedy (Son of the Mask)
Paris Hilton (The Hottie and The Nottie, House of Wax)
Pauly Shore (Jury Duty, Bio-Dome)